WELCOME TO HOLLAND

Michael Donovan, PsyD
Post Doctoral Fellow
New Jersey Permit Holder TP#193-010

Parenting can often be referred to as that in life which, in the same moment, can bring you the greatest of joys and the greatest of worries.  The milestones can be equal parts amazing and stressful as you revel in first steps, yet develop new worries about falls.  There are first days of school that may bring tears for the speed at which your baby has grown, coupled with questions about the friends they’ll make, how they’ll measure up and whether or not they will be safe- emotionally, academically, socially and physically.  There is an essay written by Emily Kingsley called “Welcome to Holland” that makes a great connection between parenting and positive psychology.  

The premise of the essay is a trip to Italy- the beauty, pace, adventure and exotic memories that will be created and kept for a lifetime.  The planning, anticipation and excitement are indescribable.  And then, as the plane lands, the announcement is too clear- “Welcome to Holland.”  Instead of landing in Italy, your trip has taken you to Holland.  You don’t know anyone who’s been, haven’t seen any social media posts about this vacation spot and it simply isn’t what you had planned, expected or want to accept. The essay can be used in many ways, especially when talking with parents about plans for their children that have changed due to a variety of medical issues, disabilities or concerning diagnoses.

Martin Seligman is known as the father of Positive Psychology.  You can read more about the theory, history and principles of Positive Psychology through Seligman’s work at the University of Pennsylvania by visiting this link https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/. Positive psychology focuses on the idea that all individuals want to be happy and enhance their experiences of love, work and play.

Dreams may not always become reality and that can apply to parenting.  Children can become ill, receive various diagnoses and experience challenges that a parent can’t make go away.  The child you planned to have may be different from the child you love.  Your joys, your worries, their milestones...may be different from those of other parents.  Different.  And while Holland may be a very different trip from Italy, once you have landed it’s up to you to consider how the trip will go.  It may not be what you planned, but there are great possibilities for adventure, for creating special memories and for making it a positive trip.  Life, laughter and love can happen anywhere. With a positive psychology mindset, you can smell the tulips and even discover Rembrandts [see essay below] while in “Holland.”

During July, Summit Psychological Services celebrates Positive Psychology month.  It’s a time when the sun shines bright and let’s face it, parents don’t have to pack school lunches or worry about nightly homework assignments- already ideas to be positive about! In a world filled with “trips to Italy,” so quickly celebrated on Instagram pages, consider the positive possibilities in a “trip to Holland.”  Consider the impact of positive psychology on your parenting style, how it can impact your children and your family and how embracing what is good and positive in life can help in making your dreams become reality.  Live, laugh, love. Be positive. Welcome to Holland.